The tagline of the book Still Waiting by Ann Swindell caught my attention as soon as I saw it. “Hope for when God doesn’t give you want you want” felt like just the perspective I needed in my long wait to have babies.
For most of my life, Mother’s Day was the special day we finally stopped to celebrate the person who brought us into this world. A mothers’ countless sacrifices deserve an ocean of gratitude and way more days of love and thanks than just one. It was a day for flowers and brunch. A day for making your best homemade creation, because what would mom possibly love more than something made by the hands of her child? It was a joyful day.
Until it wasn’t.
At the intersection of belief and experience, will you trust God’s goodness, or rely on the certainty of your pain?
We had it all planned out. We would get pregnant in September, and have our baby in June, so my teacher-husband could have three months off with our newborn. It was a great plan. It just wasn’t God’s plan.
I was so angry at God. How could he let this happen? We had been trying to conceive for seven years.
The loss of conceiving biological children is not a loss that many understand, but it is a loss. I felt stuck in my grief.