Have you thought about adoption? Has it caught your attention or been on your heart? So now what?
For most of you, this is new territory. Here’s the good news: This avenue doesn’t involve medication, procedures, or needles! Now that you’re interested, where do you even begin?
We know this seems like a whole other beast of it’s own and it is; adoption is a whole other avenue and journey full of waiting, longings, potential trials and beauty too in growing your family. Continue to read as we help guide you friend. It doesn’t have to be scary, or lonely. There’s a community of people within Waiting in Hope, many of whom have already or are currently walking this path of adoption.
Are you feeling a leading toward adoption or even wondering, “Should we adopt”?
Pray about it. Pray God would move in your heart and would lead your steps forward as you look into, pray and consider the possibility of adoption. Pray individually, pray with your spouse, pray for God’s will, wisdom and guidance. Psalm 33:20-23, Romans 8:15 (AMP), James 1:27
Talk it over. Are you and your spouse on the same page about adoption? Both husband and wife should openly share their thoughts and feelings about adoption, and discuss what differences in opinion you each have. You might defer from time to time, but you both should step forward together in unity.
Ask tough questions. Be honest with yourself about these heart questions and consider journaling your answers individually and with your spouse.
What makes you think you are interested, looking into and/or considering adoption?
Why do you want to adopt?
Am I ready to stop pursuing medical treatments or waiting?
Am I trying to fill a void I feel to have a biological baby?
Have I mourned the fact that family might not look like what I always expected? How do I think I’ll feel if/when a child does not look like me, or my spouse? Have I mourned that dream/what I’ve pictured?
Note: For husbands, the biological - genetic piece can sometimes be stronger, more defining for them than women realize.
Have you spent time working through your grief over infertility?
Note: Many adoption ministries and agencies have sent women and couples back to a Waiting in Hope local support group, and/or counseling, to address their grief over infertility before they will consider them ready to move forward with adoption. Otherwise, depression and/or feelings such as bitterness can be carried into the adoption of a child. But, we believe God is in the business of life and heart change. He can change and heal your heart toward and for adoption. Waiting in Hope local groups and curriculum can walk you through this process of healing.
Ask others questions, and hear their stories. This is the time to seek out a few people to ask questions and seek wisdom from. Waiting in Hope Chats online community has plenty and our Leadership team has several people we could put you in contact with for a call or connection if you so desire.
Who do you know who has adopted or are currently adopting?
Ask them the same questions you asked yourself in question 2, then expand to the following topics that are below.
Read posts from the Waiting in Hope blog about others adoptions, stories towards adoption and heart in the matter. This will help you in your process of “should we adopt?”
Pray even more. Ask the Lord to provide direction, guidance, peace and His purposes as you lean into His word, others in community and wisdom. Continue to carve our time to pray with your spouse.
Waiting. Adoption is not a solution for infertility, nor easier or better than doctors’ treatments and such, we all have different journeys and ways God will lead us. Waiting is still a huge part of adoption and something couples sometimes don’t realize before jumping or walking into it.
How will you know when you’re “ready”?
I can only really speak from personal experience here. We were in the throes of IVF, but adoption was on our minds constantly...perhaps more than IVF. So we knew something was stirring. We knew that one day, we would adopt. It was one of the only things that made us giddy with excitement after all the other procedures and miscarriages. The more we researched, the more it just “felt right.” There was never a certain moment that God shined down the word adoption in bold glittering letters, but the door flung wide open and just never closed. It was an act of love, trust, and obedience.
Each couple’s story and potential path to adoption is different. However, a number of couples believe they are ready once they felt like they were done trying to conceives if their heart, body, marriage, and faith needed to shift. After taking time and making sure they were healing, some couples have described their adoption journey as something they “just had to do”.
For us personally, our heart lead us as we sought the Lord’s heart and His desires for us. “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will do it.” Psalm 37:3-5
Wrestle and work through where you are currently, not where you want to be.
The biggest caution I would give you is, DO NOT enter into adoption as a last option... a plan B. DO NOT view it as a magical/sacred act of obedience that unlocks your fertility.
It may be the last thing you do before your family grows...but don’t see it as second best. It is beyond your wildest dreams. I can guarantee it.
Adoption is near to God’s heart. There are amazing blessings here that you could never imagine and that are reserved only for adoption. I love this quote: “Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the Gospel in my living room.” - Katie J. Davis
“Should We Adopt?” Resources:
Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families by Russell Moore
Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet by Sara Hagerty
"Adoption will never heal the wounds that infertility brings" - Kasey Wes Mathew (WiH Adoption Advisor)
- - Follow along for our Adoption: 101 series, next post “Where to Begin?” - -
Hailee Davis is a long time Waiting in Hope Ministries friend as a past national + local leader.
Hailee loves to volunteer with Waiting in Hope whenever she can. She and her husband Joel live in Katy, Texas with their daughter Laney that God graciously placed with them by adoption after a 4 year journey through infertility. In what little free time she possesses, Hailee loves hand lettering, hospitality, and HGTV. How’s that for alliteration?