The tagline of the book Still Waiting by Ann Swindell caught my attention as soon as I saw it. “Hope for when God doesn’t give you want you want” felt like just the perspective I needed in my long wait to have babies.
While the book isn’t about a fertility journey, I related to so many parts of her story. Ann knows the pain of waiting for a healing that feels like it may never come. She knows the pain of feeling less than because of her wait. She knows what it’s like to want to hide because the pain of waiting feels like too much.
“When we have begged and demanded from God all that we can, and when he still doesn't change our situation, we're left with a choice, we can choose offense with him, or we can choose obedience.
Offense is a terror of a thing: it puts us in the judgment seat over God. We strong-arm God, we yell at him, we tell him all the things he's not. And while it's good to be honest with God, there is a difference between heartfelt honesty and hostile honesty. Heartfelt honesty comes to God on its knees. Hostile honesty comes to God pointing the finger.”
Ann does a beautiful job of not only sharing her story, but also retelling the biblical story of the Bleeding Woman (recorded in Matthew 9:20-22, Mark 5:25-34, and Luke 8:43-48). She imagines what the Bleeding Woman’s life was like in a fresh way that I could relate to in my own experiences today.
Still Waiting encouraged me to accept that while I don’t always understand what God is doing, I never have to question if He sees me or if He loves me. This book is a beautiful reminder that nothing can separate us from God, not even a “not yet.”
Melissa Forster lives in Missouri with her husband, Dan, and their adorable gray cat named Leo. She loves Jesus with her whole heart and loves following Him to a place where her faith is without borders. Her favorite place to be is tucked in at home with copious amounts of coffee and a great book. Melissa and Dan have been struggling with delayed fertility for 10 years and have two precious babies in heaven. Melissa writes from her heart about her grief, joy, and who Jesus is in the midst of it all.