MOTHER'S DAY SERIES. HONEST THOUGHTS AND REFLECTIONS OF HOPE FOR THE NON-MOMMAS DURING THIS DREADED HOLIDAY. HAPPY (OR NOT SO HAPPY) MOTHER'S DAY.
I remember what happened last year on this day. I rolled over, grabbed my phone, and started scrolling through Facebook. I remember seeing photos of families showering their moms with love. Babies somehow bringing their moms flowers. Or friends announcing their pregnancies. Although I am ecstatic for everyone that gets to celebrate that title, I can’t help but wish that I was celebrating being a mom today as well. So I wanted to share a message to celebrate you today, my friends that are still waiting, and also to our mommy friends so that you can have a little more perspective on the sting of this day.
First off, to those of us that are still waiting - when I think of what a mother is, it is a woman who encourages, who teaches, who disciplines when needed, who loves. On this Mother’s Day, I want to take time to celebrate you and the motherly qualities I already see in you.
Dear Infertile Sister,
I want to thank you because your courage and your faith have taught me so much. When you are quick to praise God, even though you too are hurting, it inspires me to keep going. You are quick to point to the Lord’s provision and love. The fact that you continue to serve and celebrate life with friends is amazing. You have taught me what it means to be faithful in prayer and to persevere even when things are hard. I am thankful for the encouragement you bring to me and to our marriage, and how faithfully you serve and honor the Lord. I am thankful that you are quick to challenge me when I put myself in a rut of self despair. Thank you for loving me when I need a place to ugly cry when things just don’t seem fair. Thank you for correcting me when I question God’s character. I know this isn’t a club any of us would choose, but since we are here, I am thankful for you! I know on this day it seems like we fade into the background and our hurts are forgotten.
Let me remind you, we are not forgotten!
And to my dear Mother friends,
Let me urge you - please remember us. Yes, we want to celebrate your beautiful children with you and the fact that you are a mom. We are overjoyed with you and sincerely love your kids. But that doesn’t take away the sting of today. We desire so deeply to be celebrating alongside of you and with you; but we can’t and it’s completely out of our control. It’s a daily battle to fight the feelings of jealousy that sneak in and it’s amplified on this day.
So please be considerate to us who are waiting. Maybe you decide not to announce your pregnancy on Mother’s day or on social media, before telling us. Maybe you can reach out with a text to those of us who are waiting and let us know you are thinking about us on this day. Maybe you ask us how we are feeling today and be prepared for an honest answer. Let us know that you see us, that you are hurting with us, and that it’s not your desire to magnify our empty womb today. It’s easy to fade into the background today and our hurts to be forgotten with all of the flippant “Happy Mother’s Day” celebrations out there. So thank you for thinking of us and for helping to heal our broken hearts.
Finally, Infertile Sister, give yourself grace on this day.
Give yourself grace to step away from social media. Give yourself grace to be sad on this day; but you can’t stay in that place forever. Spend time with the Lord (pray, read His word). Bring all of your emotions - the good, the bad, the ugly - to Him, being real about how you feel. I hope you know in this moment that you are loved and treasured and valued by the women around you. And by your God.
On this day, it is tempting to misplace your worth and value. If you aren’t a mom yet, it feels like this day brings condemnation - a reminder of how your body isn’t working like everyone else’s. It is easy to lose your worth in a sea of social media posts, Hallmark cards, and dreams of what could have been. It is hard to remember your worth is in your value to the King of the Universe, your Creator and Savior. AND your worth can never be found in how many little heads sit next to you or call you “Mommy.”
I’ve decided I have two choices on this Mother’s Day.
1. I can listen to the lies in my head about how I’ll never be a mom or how I’m so far behind my “life plan”.
2. I can choose joy (not easily done) and celebrate the season of life I’m in, because let’s be honest, we will always want the “next” season or step in life.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10
This song "Thy Will" by Hilary Scott has encouraged my soul over and over:
I’m so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words.
“Thy will be done”
“I know you’re good
But this don’t feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It’s hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you’re God
And I am not”
“I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store.”
“I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord.”
“…the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by his letting us have our way in the end, but by his making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what he taught his disciples to pray: Thy will be done.” Elisabeth Elliot
Friends that are waiting, hang in there. Persevere! Declare today, Mother’s Day, to be the day the Lord has made and give Him all the glory and praise. I know this is so hard and completely against what we want to do, but our Lord is the same as He was yesterday, the same as He is today, and the same as He promises to be forever. Trust that God is loving and faithful.
Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. -Psalms 36:5
And please remember - take a moment to truly celebrate your mom friends today! Their road is not easy or perfect either - they are running on little to no sleep, never having a moment to themselves, cleaning up poop, and probably feeling frazzled today. No one who looks perfect is perfect.
-Thanks to Amanda White for sharing her story and this much needed encouragement for us all. Amanda is a lover of coffee, TJ her husband, her pup Thor, keeping things planned and organized and missions (specifically refugee families within Houston) and spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ world-wide. (not in that order) Amanda is also passionate about using her hard times to make much of Christ and bring Hm praise regardless of her waiting or circumstances.